RE: 35 Things Every Nebraskan Has To Do Before They Die

All Nebraskans know that this is the real list of 35 things every Nebraskan has to do before they die.  Read on to see if your favorite attraction made the list!

What do real estate agents do when they don't have a client to work with?  They blog apparently, well not exactly. The author of the article 35 Things Every Nebraskan Has To Do Before They Die is a freelance writer in Chicago for Motovoto (among other things) so the author is not a real estate agent, but why is an article like this on a real estate search aggregate website?  I'll tell you why, web traffic, SEO (that is Search Engine Optimization) and site ranking, otherwise known as Click Bait.  

Now my beef is not with the author nor even with the click bait that this site (motovoto) has "bought" from the author.  My beef is with these articles XX Things every (insert state name here) you must (see, do, eat, smell, touch) before you (insert future tense verb, usually Die).  More often than not these come from sites that are really trying to sell something and use a click bait or other highly share-able blog posting that is relate-able to a demographic of people, in this case Nebraskans.  Some quick internet stalking, that is code for a quick first page Google search, turns up no confirmation that this author even lived in Nebraska.

As a native Nebraskan myself, I thought it would be fun to analyze (or over analyze) the 35 points brought up in the article and judge their merits as worthy, mediocre or blatant advertisement for a specific thing or place.  Now this is MY opinion and yours may be different and that is great and by all means voice it in the comments if you dis-agree.

Lets start shall we.

1. Cheer On The Huskers At Memorial Stadium

While I am not a Husker fan, never have been, nor do I particularly care for Husker fanatics, however I have to agree on this one.  Husker games live are something worth experiencing once.  I can say this as I have attended several games in the past, most during the Tom Osborne (the messiah of Nebraska) years.  And you thought this blog was going to be all negative, read on.

Ice cream melts the same all over the world

2. Stop Being So Vanilla At Ted And Wally’s

Every independent ice cream shop in the country or the state claims to have the best ice cream. Nebraska isn't even in the top 5 of the largest dairy producing states.  Paid advertisement?  Probably not, but not worth seeing unless you happen to be in the Old Market area on a 100 degree day.

3. Tap Into Your Wild Side At The Henry Doorly Zoo

Who'd of thunk Nebrasky could have a decent zoo.  While it is in Omaha, the largest city in Nebraska, one would still not think that a state that used to have a football team named the "bugeaters" would have highly educational and unique animal park.  See I am not being too harsh on this list.

I think it was an attempt to copy this in Texas from 1974

4. Drive By The Automobile Version Of Stonehenge

This title alone makes me laugh because that is about all the time you need to spend there. Carhenge (built 1987), I call this one a "drive by viewing" because any more than 1 minute walk from the parking lot to the "monument" is 1 more minute than you need to know that this college art project is just a ploy to bring in tourism to an otherwise very boring part of the state.  There are much better attractions on this list that are also located within a 100 mile radius that are a better bet.

Something to be proud of

5. Go Postal For One Enormous Ball Of Stamps

Every state has "the biggest something".  This one is a dud, try Cawker City, Kansas and the biggest ball of twine then we will talk.

6. It’s Time To Rediscover Your Childhood… Ohhh Yeah!

Make sure you don't try to smash though any brick walls on your way to the museum.  This is one of the little known facts about Nebraska.  Somebody invented Kool-Aid in Hastings and now there is a nice exhibit detailing the history of the company along with some interesting natural history.  This is a must see, as you know Kool-Aid can be used as a cheap and easy hair dye for Halloween.

7. Take A Dip In Lake McConaughy

If swimming in spring runoff, waste water that has been treated and re-treated numerous times from large metropolitan cities, small communities as well as waste runoff from countless cattle and hog operations by all means take the Nestea plunge.  Just don't open your eyes underwater.  It is a lake, people and every weekend people flock to this place and sometimes have fun.  Fun things like getting a fish hook stuck in your foot.  Stay in the boat on this one.

Nothing against blondes I just thought this was funny

8. Become A Corn Maze Master


This one seems like another paid endorsement type of deal.  Go to Iowa, there is nothing but corn in that state and the highways are like the interiors of the mazes them self.  Keep on driving past Fremont on the old Lincoln highway on your way to better things to see.

9. Try The Weirdest Side For Chili Ever


Yeeessss! While I am skeptical that this is ONLY a Nebraska thing.  You owe it to yourself to try it no matter what state you live in.  Although the picture that was chosen for this in the original article is not at all appetizing, but trust me it is!

So this is uniquely Nebraska?

10. Then Stop In A Local Bar And Order A Red Beer


This is NOT uniquely Nebraska.  The real name for this is Michelada or a variation of it.  This is unique to Mexico or probably more Tex-Mex.  Why ruin a perfectly good beer.

11. Czech Out Wilber’s Czech Days


I will have to agree on this one, while not experienced this myself it is a unique piece of Nebraska history and geographical area.  Just don't expect to see any Skoda Fabias driving around.

12. Hike To Scotts Bluff Along The Oregon Trail


Unlike Carhenge, which appeared earlier on this list, this is a sight to behold.  A unique piece of geology and geographical feature smack dab in the flatlands.  Much like the Kansas pyramids, this IS something to stare and wonder at how it was formed.  Plus you can see it from miles away on your travels to it.

The micro-brew movement all over

13. Then See What’s On Tap At Zipline

Another potential paid endorsement.  Hey! I have a special mash cooking in my bathtub, trust me it will be the best brew you have ever had.  Promise.

Choo Choo

14. Buff Up On Your Underground Railroad History

There are no subways in Nebraska for the record.  I am on the fence on this one, it is unique, but not all that exciting.  Other states have more history with the underground railroads than Nebraska.

Turn down for what?

15. Rock Out To A Local Band At The Legendary ZOO Bar


More filler.  Quote from the article "so stopping in to enjoy drinks and live music might mean you’ll see the next big music legend take the stage." Don't count on it.  Youtube is now where you get found not Nebra...

16. Watch The Great Crane Migration

This is a unique sight if bird watching is your thing.  Much like bats flying out of caves this is truly amazing.  You can see this sight most anywhere along the Platte or Republican rivers.  Sit back and don't think too much about Alfred Hitchcock.

Simmy's are the "Right Choice"

17. Wolf Down A Delicious Omaha Steak

This is true of any beef producing state.  Nebraska beef is not unique but it is good, however I wished the article kept out the paid promotion at the end.  Beef it's what's for dinner. In Nebraska vegans need not apply.

18. Then Put Away Your Inner Food Critic For Some Low Brow Deliciousness


Low brow? This is good eatin'!  It is food like grandma used to make, or so they claim.  Bierocks compete head to head with the Big Mac and Whopper in most towns, but Runza has the total package.  A high school track meet would not be the same without the local franchise selling these warm pockets.

19. Explore Omaha’s Trendy Old Market District


It is like the Pearl Street mall only without the legalized mary jane, oh and less streetwalkers and peddlers.  To be honest, it is a fun little place to see when your in "the big city" It is no Rodeo drive but it is pretty upscale compared to the rest of Nebraska.  Check it out.

Corncob pipes $50

20. Find A Hidden Gem At Park Avenue Antiques


A high priced garage sale in a store.  More filler.  Read my comment about Fremont.  Keep driving.

Almost a hipster joint

21. Grab A Slice And A Pint At Yia Yia’s

More filler, less posts.  Another advertisement.  This is a pizza joint that claims to have the best pizza in Lincoln, well I heard a guy named Ray that claims to have the best pizza in New York.  See where I am going with this?  Nothing special here.

22. Check Out Nature’s Chimney


Another unique geographical feature that just shouldn't be here in the sea of flatness.  A guiding monument for early settlers this is a must see and unique part of Nebraska history.

23. Take Flight At The Strategic Air And Space Museum


History buffs will like this one as well as others.  Things here hearken back to cold war days, lots of tributes to those brave heroes and the technology that helped shape the world today.  A must see.

24. Become An Armchair Paleontologist


Truly a unique site where animals were "frozen in time".  Not many people would consider Nebraska and this part of the state a hot bed for paleontology.  The best part about this dig site is the general public can get up close and personal with it.  I might ad the paleontologists are much less pretentious than in other areas of the world.  It is quite a drive off the beaten path but an interesting path none the less.  Not nearly as old as what is found in the Rockies though.

25. Explore A Park That’s Totally Out Of This World


On your way to Chimney Rock?  Stop by and see this, well don't stop just slow down, not much to see here.

Nebraska does not have a strong Asian population sorry to tell you

26. Eat More Ramen Than You Ever Did In College


I have never heard of this (checks article), oh maybe it is brand new and only 1 year old.  Come on, this is a stretch.  Is Omaha trying to compete with Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest?  Well no, not exactly a hoity toity noodle fest.  Weird for the sake of weird?  No, just no.

27. Become A Real Life Cowboy For A Day…


I hate stereotypes, especially that not all Nebraskan's are cowboys or ride a horse.  There are no "injuns" to fight.  Even the real ranchers and farmers aren't true cowboys with their smart phones and bluetooth headsets.  Still this is just another paid advertisement or filler.  Go to Wyoming to see real cowboys, there is no cell service out there.

Face it, you're still a city slicker

28. …Or At Least Dress The Part


Dime store cowboys unite!  I am sure nothing in here costs a dime.  Or just go shopping at the CowPoke another one of these stores.  As a matter of fact there are many more larger stores in other states, no need to stop here.

29. One Nebraskan’s Junk Is Another’s Treasure


Lots a junk, a hoarders delight.  If you drive a sultan of the slow lane you can take home that camel and then ride it when that motor home runs out of fuel.  Locals don't frequent this as much as you would think.

A side of F*ck you with every order

30. Grab Some Chicken Fried Steak At Ole’s Big Game Steakhouse


Terrible food, crazy crap on the walls and a wait staff that treats every customer as if they are dining and dashing.  It is not really their fault the railroad transients don't pay their tabs.  They could at least keep track of their receipts better. The only restaurant I have ever been to that I will never have a good thing to say about it.  If you like big game on the walls and high class food there is a better restaurant in Denver that is way older than this.  It is called the BuckHorn Exchange, I highly recommend.  Ole's Big Game Steakhouse can suck the big one if you ask me.

I'm so indie

31. See The Next Bright Eyes Before They’re Super Famous


Country hipster music. Greeeaaatttt.... Nebraska is not the country music capitol of the US, that would be Nashville.  Go see the Grand Ole Opry much better if that is your thing.

32. Lace Up For Holiday Fun At The Railyard


Never heard of it.  I like ice skating, but not Lincoln.  Maybe I will try it someday.

...with subtle notes of barnyard and tartness

33. Taste Nebraska’s Burgeoning Wine Scene


Another paid advertisement.  True Nebraska has some vineyards but I would not come here for the wine, our grapes are subjected to brutal wintry conditions and fertilized with bovine feces.

34. See Where A Literary Legend Grew Up


Red Cloud Nebraska this IS a place to visit if you are a book worm.  While Nebraska is not as idealistic as the novels, you can appreciate the inspiration of the words on the page.  A must see.

Now THIS is fun, and a "thing" in Nebraska

35. Watch The Sunset Over The Niobrara River


This could be ANY river in just about ANY state.  More filler, but it is pretty.

Well there you have it, my opinions on the choices presented in the original article and as you can see I question the validity or uniqueness of some of the choices.  However I am perplexed as some major places are absent from the list.  Below are a few that I think should replace some of the "paid advertisement" choices.  My thinking is the author doesn't really know Nebraska outside of a google search.

36.  Learn how the pioneers traveled across Nebraska

The Sturh Museum in Grand Island.  Skip the ice cream shop of #2 and go here.  More educational and there are ice cream machines in almost every gas station in GI.

37.  See how America Grew

Harold Warp's Pioneer Village.  A collection of over 50,000 items showing mans progress from the industrial revolution to modern times.  Skip the pizza joint in Omaha and grab a slice of pizza at the local Casey's General store in Minden, Nebraska if you really want pizza.